I haven't blogged in a long time. And I don't think I've ever really 'blogged' successfully. I've started blogs, sure; actually, I've started a lot of them. I'd post a few times and then leave them there, these poor neglected blogs brought into being to be tossed aside. Looking back, I realized that the failure of those blogs was probably mostly due to the fact that each blog represented - some part of me, who I am some of the time, and how I write when I feel that way.
But it's more than that. I used to write as almost personas - most of my blogs had them. Most of them, I'm sure, had a goal or focus in mind, but it was too narrow to actually go anywhere. I guess, in a way, I wasn't motivated enough to keep up the illusion.
So, because I couldn't decide which blog to use- or, for that matter, who I was as a writer of those blogs - I stopped. It wasn't hard- the blogs had become a way for me to over-analyze what I was thinking, what tone I was taking, before I even began to write. The question "Which blog would this go into?" was like a hammer slamming down on any still unformed crystal of an idea, smashing the certainty behind words I hadn't even written yet.
Besides, with so many blogs, and so few entries, it's not like anyone read me, anyway.
Recently, though, a lot has been happening - and I realized that, hot damn, I might actually have something to say about some of it.
So, I opened up blogger, and I went to my dashboard, and clicked 'Create New Blog'... Fifteen minutes into contemplating what I'd name it, I caught myself. Wasn't this the type of thinking that got me into the mess of multiple blogs in the first place? Trying to compartmentalize parts of my life, parts of my thoughts and beliefs, all into separate little boxes - how could anyone write like that?
Well, maybe some can. But I'm just not one of them.
So, for what it's worth, welcome! And welcome back to those of you who stumbled in here all those months ago when this blog was still the shiniest new penny in a pocketful of change.
I wonder how far this could go....
