Saturday, February 13, 2016
Unfinished Business
That's not exactly an accurate way of putting it. Let's see if I can do better.
For so many years when I was growing up, I was a master of hiding what I felt. It helped that I was shy, and afraid of people. So many times, a conflict would go unresolved; so many times, my true thoughts on one situation or another were left unsaid. So many times, I didn't get the closure that would have given me peace of mind. I took these things and instead of expressing them, I pushed them down, locked them away in a chest in my mind, ignoring the rattle of them fighting to be free.
And every time, I silently hoped that someone would see right through me, would ask the exact question, prompting me to share what I was holding back. I would wish for such a person, for that excuse to share what was in my heart- but I almost never got that.
It turns out that, if you're actually good at hiding something, it stays hidden - especially if no one is looking for it.
Now, probably because I did that for so long, I have no patience for it. No longer am I able to hide everything I'm feeling. Unsaid words, unexpressed feelings and thought processes fill me up, becoming a maelstrom of self suppression in my head. The pressure of it, the sheer noise it causes, builds and builds until I find myself unable to think, unable to focus, growing increasingly agitated and erratic. Finally, inevitably, I reach a point where I cannot hold it in anymore, where it becomes too much and I can no longer stand it.
And then I blow. I doggedly pursue whatever was left unfinished, fiercely determined to fix the problem. By then, though, any hope I had of approaching the issue and dealing with it in a calm, rational manner has dissolved. Not surprisingly, my efforts are very rarely successful in those cases.
I've grown to recognize this pattern, and try my hardest to resolve whatever is eating at me before I reach that point. It's harder than it may seem, and takes a lot of practice. Just recently I got pretty close to my boiling point before I was able to do what I needed to do. Too close for comfort.
But that's what unfinished business does to me, now. It drives me bonkers. I wonder what the tipping point was, that toppled me into this. The world may never know.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Ahmed Mohamed (Transplant Post) Original Date: 9/18/15
NOTE: This is not an updated post in any way, and appears here just as it did on the original posting!
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Over the past few days, the story of Ahmed Mohamed has been all over the place. That's great. The responses, however, have been the most frustrating mix of absolutely amazing- it's fantastic that Chris Hadfield, Mark Zuckerberg, and even the President reached out to this kid- and incredibly, maddeningly, ignorant and hateful.
I just wanted to make one thing absolutely clear- something important.
I keep hearing things like 'Well, how the school and police reacted was wrong, but…' or 'maybe in the future he should…' and it makes me angry, especially because some of the people who are starting their sentences this way are people who say they stand with Ahmed.
"Well, how the school/teachers and police reacted was wrong/overkill, but…'
There are no 'but's.
How the school and police handled the whole situation was wrong in multiple, telling ways.
If the teacher/school actually believed they were dealing with a suspicious package incident, why on earth did they not follow whatever action plan is certainly in place in every single public school IN THE COUNTRY in case of that exact situation?
If the police actually believed the clock was a possible bomb, they certainly have protocols for handling it as such. Why did they not stick to those protocols?
I've seen more than one news article say that the police 'decided not to press charges'. Let's be clear: There were no charges that could have stuck. None. He didn't break any rules and he certainly didn't break any laws. The charge they initially tried to pin on him- a 'hoax bomb offense'- hinged on:
1. The item actually being a fake bomb, instead of a clock.
2. Ahmed telling people that the item was a bomb, instead of telling them, as he did over and over, that it was a clock.
3. Ahmed Mohamed having the 'intent to cause alarm or reaction'.
No fake bomb. No intent to cause alarm- at least not by Ahmed himself. So no hoax bomb charge.
As for his suspension, perhaps the teachers who not only raised a false alarm, but handled it with the type of idiocy that is incredibly unsettling to see in our schools, should be the ones who are suspended while it's determined whether or not they're fit to continue working. Because it's incredibly obvious that had this been an actual threat, had circumstances been very very different, their inability to follow the school's action plan for dealing with a suspicious package would have put a lot of people in what could have been serious danger. That's pretty scary.
In fact, that's a good way to describe this whole situation: scary, and not because of Ahmed Mohamed, either.
Let's review what we know about Ahmed's actions:
He built a clock at home, on his own time.
He brought his clock in to show it off to his teachers and friends.
When confronted, he kept telling people it was a clock.
I'd review what the various teachers and police did, but that would take a long time, and some speculation. So let's go with a few highlights:
They handcuffed and perp walked a minor out of school based on a complete overreaction on the part of faculty.
They repeated handled and moved- even photographed- something they apparently thought was a possible bomb. In a school. (Hold your applause.)
They punished the student- first arresting him and then suspending him- despite the fact that he had- again- broken no laws or rules.
"Maybe next time he should-"
No.
Here's what Ahmed Mohamed should do in the future:
Ahmed Mohamed should keep being a student. He should keep up the intellectual pursuits. He should keep being the curious, bright individual that he is.
Maybe next time the school should have a policy that states very clearly what is and isn't acceptable to bring to school- and it sure as hell had better not include any vague terms like 'if it looks threatening'. Perhaps saying something like 'We encourage our students in intellectual pursuits and projects outside of school, but ask that should a student wish to bring in a personal project, he/she give notice to the faculty ahead of time, to avoid any potential misunderstandings."
And this time, all parties involved owe this young man an apology- a personal, detailed apology which does not include a single ounce of blame pointed in his direction, or a 'but' of any kind.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Color Tattoo - Shiny Shiny Eye Makeup!
This time, I decided to put a few eyeshadows to the test. This post is for the those who love Maybelline, and are interested in the Maybelline Color Tattoo Loose Powder shadows.
First, I have really fair skin that is pink tinted- so I used a concealer to create a 'base'. It's a bit paler than what I actually am, but provides a nice matte background so you can see the colors.
I tried four different colors of these loose powder shadows: Barely Brazen, Buff & Tuff, Breaking Bronze, and Improper Copper.
For consistency, these powders are fantastic- they have that sparkle, oh, so very much- but they are so fine and soft, and easy to apply. As I may have said already (or will say later), a little bit goes a longer way than you think, so exercise a little bit of caution. The lines below, I made with my fingers, NOT any brush.
I also accidentally purchased one of the 24 hour shadows, which is a cream, not a powder, so I tested that as well. It's called Bold Gold.
(Sorry for the crappy picture quality, I did the best I could!)
The first, Barely Brazen, is a very cool color- it's almost a pearl. I would use this for right under my brow- (sparingly, mind you- a little goes a longer way than you think) I have deep set eyes and dark circles (thank you, life) so this is a great highlight for right there.
Buff & Tuff is (although it may not show in the photo) just as glittery as the others. I had a hard time with this shadow because it seems rather 'Meh' to me- I know I'm a newbie, but I'm not sure how it best could be used. Perhaps on the lid with a little highlighter on the brow bone, for a simpler but more sparkly look? I'll be trying that out sometime in the very near future. But enough of that, onward!
Breaking Bronze is actually what led to my purchase of the rest of the color tattoo series (err..mini series, as it were). I bought it first, and fell in love, so I thought I'd expand my color palette. It doesn't disappoint- it POPS- I love it for a glamorous, drop dead gorgeous eye makeup look. It really makes my blue eyes pop!
The Improper Copper was a surprise; I bought it because occasionally, you need a bit of darker color. It looked a bit flat in the picture- I shouldn't have worried, however, as it is a rich, earthy, warm tinted deep copper brown that I have come to adore.
Finally, the Bold Gold 24Hour shadow was- interesting. It's light, smooth, and doesn't feel cakey when you wear it- but the gold can go funny in certain light, or when paired with other colors. Still, if gold is your thing, give it a go- I admit, I did a field test on this one. I applied some on the inside of my forearm (about halfway between my wrist and my elbow) and went about my day. I, of course, forgot all about it, so I wore my jacket for school, my sweatshirt for working out, etc. Imagine my surprise when I stripped down to shower the next morning and there it was, not smeared or cracked, or smudged from its original place. Sure, it was a bit better 'blended', but that's the look you try to achieve with a blending brush, anyway, isn't it? Those soft edges?
Anywho, that's the skinny on the earth tones of the Maybelline Eye Studio Color Tattoo Loose Powder collection (wow, that's a long title!).
I'd go into a more formal review, but that'll come later when I compare shadow qualities for staying power, blendability, etc.
Cheers!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Art! (And prints) - Raving about ProDPI
The woman contacted me, asking me to do a commission for her- a painting of her cat; and offered to pay me for it.
Let me be clear. I've never been paid for my art. Never. My jewelry, yes. My art, no, and I've been drawing for much longer than I've been making jewelry. Was I ecstatic? Yes! Was I excited? Hell yes! But it was more than that.
I. Was. Terrified.
I accepted the commission, received the photos that the woman sent me, and set to work. I almost immediately ran into a wall. The woman's cat, Lola, was lovely- but her coloring was so distinctive that I couldn't do a picture of her in the same style I'd done one of the other cat.
I've gotten ahead of myself, as usual.
My art work of late has been drawn using the stylus and an artist program on my Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 tablet. Last May, I'd had the tablet for perhaps 3 months. I drew this back then.
This is super simplistic, as I mentioned before. I wasn't trying very hard- my goal was more to provide a passably cute token for the kitties new parents. Fortunately for me, the kitty is a tuxedo- simple yet elegant.
Anyway, back to Lola. Lola is gorgeous and distinctive in the way that many of us are distinctive- in very tiny ways. Some people/animals have one specific trait that stands out and makes them distinctive (i.e. Lil Bub, who is a cutie, and a superhero imho, and an inspiration). For Lola, this wasn't the case- what made her Lola was a combination- her pretty eyes, her two colored nose, the little spot of stripes on the left side of her face, the color of her back and paws- they worked together to make her Lola.
And a big part of that was color. I couldn't condense or simplify her color too much, or she wouldn't look like her anymore.
So, as I stared down at my barely started piece, I choked. I tried off and on to work on her over the next months, and the woman who commissioned me, bless her, was so patient- she never pressured me once.
A few weeks ago, I was inspired(guilted by my conscience) to take up Lola again, and try to get her finished before I sent in my partially broken tablet for maintenance. I knew I'd made a promise to the woman, and I wanted to deliver, even though I knew it'd been way too long.
Lo and behold, I finished Lola. I sent an excited note to the woman 'surprise, here's the thing I owed you months ago!' and attached the file.
The woman was ecstatic. 'How much for the print?' She asked.
A wall loomed up head of me. I managed to stop this time.
Crap.
Printing. Hell, I did digital art now. I needed a printer.
And off to Google I went.
I looked at the popular sites, but so many were SO expensive, and without the recommendation of anyone I actually know, I wasn't willing to take such a costly chance.
Then, I found ProDPI.
ProDPI has a mixed reputation on the internet- there are horrible reviews, and a few great ones. The bad ones talked about how the prints got there extremely late, or how horrible the customer service was. The great ones complimented everything. All of them were old.
After looking at the prices, and the sizes, including shipping and turnaround, and I thought, with prices that low, it'd honestly probably be crap.
At the same time, it was worth a shot.
So I bit the bullet and ordered a 10x13 of the lovely Lola, sat back, and waited.
It arrived today, and I am so pleased. Not only did it arrive in a timely manner, it was a good quality that I am 99% sure that the woman will love.
So for those of you looking for a printer, I encourage you to check out ProDPI. It's got a lot of options, is a great price (in my opinion) and the images come out very well. Visit their website to find out more.
By the way, here is the painting I did the print of.
The print looks exactly the same :).
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Ronan
This is a beautiful, incredibly emotional song; its heart-wrenching, personal tribute to another life lost to cancer is truly memorable. It is more than just a touching tribute to Ronan; it carries a message which more people need to take heed of:
Each one of those thousands and thousands that struggle with cancer every day, every hour, every moment is a person.
Every life lost to cancer is not just another number - it's the loss of an individual who laughed, cried, lived, loved, and was loved, and fought so hard against this horrible disease, and died.
Though I find it increasingly hard to fathom, there are people out there whose lives have not been touched, even indirectly, by cancer. It is my hope that, when those people hear the statistics about how many die of cancer every year, and how many are diagnosed with various forms of cancer every day, they connect those numbers with people - people like Ronan, or mothers, fathers, grandparents, best friends, and that they realize what a horrible tragedy it is that that many lives have been, and continue to be, lost.
Maybe, just maybe, that realization will inspire more people to participate in the fight for a cure.
Because the more of us that fight, the faster we can reach a breakthrough which could make all the difference.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Whispers
When you want to shout from the rooftops,
But, instead, you whisper on the breeze,
As if it were the dearest secret from your heart
'I am happy'
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Passing Fancies
Friday, January 18, 2013
Dear Everyone: Watch This Standup. Now.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Assumption of Youth
Do not judge me for what I 'haven't been through',
Do not assume you know what I will say,
Do not interrupt the story I am telling you,
Do not tell try to tell me not to feel that way.
Do not think that you know better 'cause you're older,
Do not dare imply you've seen it all before,
Do not rush to be the conscience on my shoulder,
Do not humble me to dust upon the floor.
And when I am confiding, pay attention.
You'll find journeys in my eyes you've never seen.
Do not blind yourself with your misapprehension.
See me now for what I am, and where I've been.
-Me (December 10th, 2012)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Corridors?
Wrote this a few days ago, I think on the 29th..
"Right now, as I stare down the corridor of my memories, the door that calls to my heart is the one that hurts me most. To my incredulous despair, it is broken; it does not seem to close. Torture lies beyond that door; it is my all too frequent visitor, the purveyor of memories of joy the likes of which I had never felt, tinged with torment the likes of which I had never imagined possible."
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
How to Understand People (Or Not)
This just randomly appeared in my mind last night.. I wrote it almost word for word as it poured out from my brain in one continuous thought.
"It will be hard- it may seem impossible- but try not to let your experiences with those in your past shape your hopes and fears associated with people you've yet to know. Everyone, in their heart, Is different.
This is exactly why you must stop trying to understand 'people'. To do so, to try to encompass all of those individuals into one system of rationalization, would be impossible. You would only succeed in driving yourself to madness.
Stop trying to understand 'people'; instead, endeavor to understand 'persons'. One by one, you will learn more than you ever thought you could about the world and all the different ways of seeing it."
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The 'Why' Behind It: Sparklers & Gems
Thursday, October 4, 2012
"Once Upon a Time": My Review
{{The following is my review of the show "Once Upon a Time", which I have fallen into and cannot seem to get out of again-not that I'm particularly anxious to. :) }}
Always a lover of the classic fairy tales, I was skeptical of this show; so many attempts have been made at 'adapting' the classics to 'real life'. I'm sorry to say, most of them have been sadly disappointing. However, when I finally sat down to watch, by the end of Episode 1, I was hooked.
"Once Upon a Time" is a unique and incredibly intricate take on fairytales come to life. It's adaptation of all of our favorite childhood stories is exemplary and captivating. It melds the fantastic with the reality of love, hate, deception and hope, exerting the moral that, magical realm or no, these are the passions which drive people.
It is a heart-wrenching drama; I am not the type to cry because of shows. This show has changed that. I find myself in tears as I follow the hardships of the characters - Snow White and Charming, Red Riding Hood, the Seven Dwarves, Cinderella, and, yes, even the Wicked Queen. But the character which captured me most of all was Rumpelstiltskin (Mr. Gold).
I feel it necessary to give dues to Robert Carlyle, the very talented actor who plays Rumpelstiltskin/Gold. Watching Carlyle bring his character to life is an incredible experience. His performance is masterful and compelling; I find myself waiting anxiously for the next part Rumpelstiltskin(Gold) plays in the overall story. I cannot sing Carlyle's praises enough - it is a true joy watching him.
Overall, I have to admit that this show has captured my heart and made an utter believer out of me. I very highly recommend it.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Here We Go Again
But it's more than that. I used to write as almost personas - most of my blogs had them. Most of them, I'm sure, had a goal or focus in mind, but it was too narrow to actually go anywhere. I guess, in a way, I wasn't motivated enough to keep up the illusion.
So, because I couldn't decide which blog to use- or, for that matter, who I was as a writer of those blogs - I stopped. It wasn't hard- the blogs had become a way for me to over-analyze what I was thinking, what tone I was taking, before I even began to write. The question "Which blog would this go into?" was like a hammer slamming down on any still unformed crystal of an idea, smashing the certainty behind words I hadn't even written yet.
Besides, with so many blogs, and so few entries, it's not like anyone read me, anyway.
Recently, though, a lot has been happening - and I realized that, hot damn, I might actually have something to say about some of it.
So, I opened up blogger, and I went to my dashboard, and clicked 'Create New Blog'... Fifteen minutes into contemplating what I'd name it, I caught myself. Wasn't this the type of thinking that got me into the mess of multiple blogs in the first place? Trying to compartmentalize parts of my life, parts of my thoughts and beliefs, all into separate little boxes - how could anyone write like that?
Well, maybe some can. But I'm just not one of them.
So, for what it's worth, welcome! And welcome back to those of you who stumbled in here all those months ago when this blog was still the shiniest new penny in a pocketful of change.
I wonder how far this could go....
Friday, April 29, 2011
..... Shrimp is a Stupid Holiday...
Especially since I am definitely not a fan of the little buggers....
Sorry for the lame holiday, guys- they apparently aren't all fun...
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Happy Tell a Story Day!!!
Here's my challenge to the empty void which constitutes my readers right now: Follow these directions in order, and DO NOT READ THE NEXT ONE UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE ONE BEFORE IT. Otherwise, there's no point.
1- For your main character, pick six physical traits which are non-specific (DON'T involve color unless you know the basics of color theory- trust me on this one).
2- Pick four personality traits. Don't ramble on like a loon- keep them short, sweet, and to the point.
3- Pick ONE: Morning, noon, sunset, or midnight?
4- Pick ONE: Clear, raining, freezing cold, beautiful outside
5- Pick ONE:
- Super villain (with super powers- not a regular person),
- serial killer,
- Scientist,
- an underground secret society,
- a very bitchy, vindictive woman
- an old flame out to ruin your life
- a sociopath business tycoon
- a revered member of society with a dirty little secret
6- In stories, who should be the first person to die?
- An absolute unconnected stranger,
- a distant relation of a main character who they haven't seen in awhile,
- someone close to home
- no deaths
7- Pick the trait/ characteristic you hate the most out of these:
- Greed
- Gluttony
- Arrogance
- Vanity
- Obsession with death
- Over talkative
- Bad case of the conscience
- Whiny
- Cowardly (I DO NOT SUGGEST YOU PICK THIS ONE. Just sayin')
Alright, got everything written down?
Here's the breakdown:
1: YOUR CHARACTER IS THE OPPOSITE OF HALF OF THE ONES YOU HAVE PICKED.
Your protagonist is the opposite of half of these traits: Meaning, pick 3 out of your six and switch them with their opposites. You can keep the others as they are.
2: ALL OF THESE MUST BE REPLACED WITH THEIR OPPOSITES.
Okay, alright- two of them. Just two. You whiners.
3 & 4: This is your opening sentence: It was [Insert your answer to #3 here], and it was [Insert your answer for #4 here].
5: Well, obviously this is your antagonist. Duh.
6: This is the event that sets the ball rolling in your plot-- if you were one of THOSE people and picked 'no-one', well then, you're on your own with that, my little pioneers.
7: This is a trait which manifests in your protagonists companion or sidekick.
Muah.
Haha.
Haha.
Happy story writing, guys.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Outcome Other than Planned Scenario: A Poem for the Masses
I'm not sure how,
But this blog seems
To exist, now.
And so I promise
You, I swear:
I'll try to make
Some sense on here.
But if I fail,
At least I hope,
I may have
Entertained some folk.
Because, you see,
That's all I need-
Perhaps unhealthy?
Yes. Indeed.
Welcome home, you poor, dumb bastards.
Hope you like it here! 8D
